FANDOM


This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Just Cause 3.

Transcript Edit

So they made another Just Cause game. Why? Just cause. Good, I'm glad we got that out of the way quickly, but since you asked: it's just cause Just Cause 2 was one of my favorite games of its time and I will say again what I said then cause its easier to having to write new words: Just Cause is the sort of thing AAA gaming should be making all the time because it's the only thing it's still best at. If consoles are going to keep endlessly pushing for better graphics, more pixels, bits, flips, flops and fannies we don't want them to use it to render Ellen Page crying on a toilet, we want to see it rendering more trucks exploding than we've ever seen explode before. We want to see every single bit flying off and embedding itself in the flank of a passing squirrel with poor reflexes. 

Happily Just Cause 3 is very much on the right page as it elevates to the new generation the old, classic formula: wanton destruction, extreme freedom of mobility and a sandbox the size of Galactus' left bollock, populated exclusively by NPCs who drive like complete maniacs. 

"Hey Yahtzee, the imagery of this video is going by to quickly for me to properly digest." Well, then my advice would be to just pause!

The protagonist of the Just Cause series, Rico Rodriguez, has undergone quite a bit of evolution as he's aged. He started out with a sort of vampire Johnny Cash thing going on in Just Cause 1, leaned more towards swivel-eyed loon in Just Cause 2 and now in Just Cause 3... well, try to come with me on this: he looks like your first girlfriend's dad. You know what I mean, with his Al Borland beard and dresses head to foot in blue denim he looks like he derives all his kill-crazy rage from you having fucked his daughter on top of his favorite riding mower. He returns to his home country of Medici to liberate it from the cruel regime of a brutal dictator. So I guess his entire career as a professional dictator agitator has been him cycling himself up for the one he has actual personal investment in, which is theoretically an appropriate reason for stakes for third installment I suppose, but in practice it's a thin, sugary crust over the crème brûlée of explosion-fueled hedonism. Some of the characters are quirky and interesting, but I feel getting invested in a Just Cause game for the plot is like getting invested in crystal meth because the loss of teeth makes it easier to fit crisps in your mouth. 

Just Cause 3 is at first glance an easy sell: everything that made Just Cause 2 fun and also everything on top of that. So Rico retains his parachute and hook shot that tether the laws of time and space to the back of a burning jeep and drive it off a cliff, and now he's also got a Far Cry 3-style wing suit to get around more quickly and make ground-based vehicles all the more fucking useless as anything other than party favours. Shame, because some of the most fun I have in Just Cause can be found in simply trying to drive somewhere without flipping your car nine times cause you ran over a crisp packet. 

The ability to tether things to other things has been updated with the ability to make the two tethers pulled towards each other, allowing you to enact heart-warming stories of the newly realized love between an enemy soldier and a nearby cow, or an enemy soldier and a brick wall. You can also use it to bring down structures until you realize that you've also got infinite trigger explosives and can instantly bring down anything you can get close enough to smooch. So after you've made an executive toy out of cows dangling from helicopters and get it out of your system the tether pulls become an inefficient gimmick when you're working your way down a to-do list, and by do I mean obliterate. 

It is what I now term "the everysandbox" in that progress is marked by liberating sections of the map by completing the side quests in each one and the actual plot sort of hangs over that like a storm cloud trying to make up its mind if it wants to fuck up you barbecue. But happily they remember the important thing: liberating strongholds is inherently fun. It's not just going through the in tray at the murder accountancy firm. "Here's a compound with lots of stuff in it. We want there to be no stuff in it and we don't give half a piss-stained Lira how you get us from A to B." My preferred method was to ignore enemies, hookshot around too quickly to kill, plant trigger bombs on as much of the stuff as I could, then retreat to a nearby hill and set them off while putting on some sunglasses and looking the other way. 

A spanner was frequently thrown in these works because the plant-trigger-bomb button is the same as the chuck-grenade-button and the game has a nasty habit of switching back to grenades without telling me, so I'll hookshot onto the side of a big fuel canister and being like, "Wait, this doesn't look like a trigger bomb! But that looks like my left leg drifting off into the sunset! Guess it's time to break out the just gauze!"

Let's keep running down the shit-that-exists-to-make-me-pissed-list. I don't like how Rico moves like an elderly woman on an escalator whenever he's on top of a vehicle. Understandable when he's on a plane, not so much when he's on the deck of a boat. I parachute onto a troublesome gun boat with a defiant cry and gun in hand, then start dawdling around it like I'm wondering if I left the gas on. 

I wish Just Cause would do more with underwater stuff, you drop into the water and there's this lovely undersea landscape to explore but fuck-all to do in it. Why do these all-terrain sandboxes always remember to have nine types of helicopters but zero fucking submarines? 

Right, what else? It would be nice if I could turn off all the leaderboard bollocks which I'm pretty sure is one of the reasons why the loading times are so bad in this country, where the internet has to get strained through a mosquito net. I don't want a message informing me that xxxbastard69 has beaten my record for sitting on a cowpad belching the alphabet, taking up valuable screen space that could have been filled with more explosions - or if the idea was to motivate me, the phrase "Everyone likes you and wants to kiss your face." 

On the PS4 version I had some chugging framerates and the occasional crash when things got too explody. "Gotta love that extra stability you get from console gaming" he said, bitterly firing the words from his mouth like sour squirts of an old man's jizz. 

Oh yeah, and what's with having to unlock iron sight aiming as an optional upgrade? When you're playing a shooter with a controller, that's like having to unlock the ability to turn left. 

But I suppose my final issue is that the game gets pretty lackluster by the end. Just look at the map: start off at the bottom on a collection of islands covered in fine detail and clustered towns and bases, then I guess the designer had an urgent dental appointment and the last island is a great, big massive blob with like nine things on it. And the final boss fight is plainer than beans on toast: for no adequate reason the evil dictator fights you one-on-one in a fucking volcano. Could one produce a more perfect example of "insert climax here"? Also, he fights you in a helicopter. "Oh guess I'm fucked. I'll just beg for my pathetic live once I've finished picking the remains of the last eighteen million helicopters out of my teeth." And then there you are, standing non-plussed in the middle of your liberated country with a profound sense of anticlimax. What do we do now? I guess we could call up some just whores. 

Addenda Edit

  • People's champion: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw
  • I went to the hardware shop to get a new hammer but when I got there they had Just Saws
  • Then I went to the pet shop and they had just macaws
Episodes
2007 - 2010
2007
Q3 The Darkness Demo · Fable: The Lost Chapters · Zero Punctuation (Episode) · Heavenly Sword and Other Stuff · Psychonauts · Console Rundown · BioShock · Tomb Raider: Anniversary · Manhunt · Peggle
Q4 Halo 3 · Tabula Rasa · The Orange Box · Super Paper Mario · Medal of Honor: Airborne · The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass · Clive Barker's Jericho · F.E.A.R. Perseus Mandate · Assassin's Creed · Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock · Mass Effect
2008
Q1 Super Mario Galaxy · Silent Hill: Origins · Crysis · The Witcher · Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles · Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare · SimCity Societies · Yahtzee Goes to GDC · Uncharted: Drake's Fortune · Devil May Cry 4 · Burnout: Paradise · Turok · Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure
Q2 Army of Two · No More Heroes · Condemned 2: Bloodshot · Super Smash Bros. Brawl · God of War: Chains of Olympus · Mailbag Showdown · Grand Theft Auto IV · Painkiller · The World Ends With You · The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion · Haze · Metal Gear Solid 4
Q3 Webcomics · Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures · Alone in the Dark · Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures · The E3 Trailer Park · Ninja Gaiden II · Prince of Persia Retrospective · Soulcalibur IV · Braid · EVE Online · Too Human · Spore · XBLA Double Bill
Q4 Mercenaries 2: World in Flames · Star Wars: The Force Unleashed · S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky · Silent Hill: Homecoming · Saints Row 2 · Dead Space · Fable II · Fallout 3 · Guitar Hero: World Tour · Mirror's Edge · Left 4 Dead · Sonic Unleashed · The Year in Review - 2008 · Prince of Persia
2009
Q1 Awards for 2008 · Tomb Raider: Underworld · Far Cry 2 · Gears of War 2 · LittleBigPlanet · Thief: The Dark Project · Skate 2 · F.E.A.R. 2 · Spider-Man: Web of Shadows · The House of the Dead: Overkill · 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand · Resident Evil 5
Q2 X-Blades/Halo Wars · Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars · MadWorld · Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X · Siren: Blood Curse · The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena · Valkyria Chronicles · Velvet Assassin · Duke Nukem Forever · Bionic Commando · InFamous · The Second Annual E3 Hype Massacre · Prototype
Q3 The Sims 3 · Ghostbusters: The Video Game · Overlord 2 · Red Faction Guerrilla · Wii Sports Resort · Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood · The Conduit · Silent Hill 2 · 2.5-D Hoedown · Tales of Monkey Island · Wolfenstein · Batman: Arkham Asylum · Beatles Rock Band & Guitar Hero 5 · Darkest of Days
Q4 Scribblenauts · Wet · Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story · Brutal Legend · Washington D.C. · Uncharted 2: Among Thieves · Dragon Age: Origins · Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 · Assassin's Creed 2 · Left 4 Dead 2 & New Super Mario Bros. Wii · Demon's Souls · Holiday 2009 · The Saboteur
2010
Q1 Awards for 2009 · Torchlight · Darksiders · Bayonetta · Dark Void · Borderlands · Mass Effect 2 · Dante's Inferno · BioShock 2 · Aliens vs Predator · Heavy Rain · Battlefield: Bad Company 2 · Final Fantasy XIII
Q2 April Fools 2010 · God of War III · Red Steel 2 · Just Cause 2 · Silent Hill: Shattered Memories · Splinter Cell: Conviction · Nier · Dead to Rights: Retribution · Monster Hunter Tri · Alan Wake · Red Dead Redemption · Alpha Protocol · Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands · E3 2010
Q3 No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle · Super Mario Galaxy 2 · Singularity · Crackdown 2 · DeathSpank & Limbo · Shadow of the Colossus · Split Second: Velocity · Transformers: War for Cybertron · Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days · Mafia II · Metroid: Other M · Video Game Voters Network · Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Q4 Halo: Reach · Dead Rising 2 · Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions · Castlevania: Lords of Shadow · Enslaved: Odyssey to the West · Fallout: New Vegas · Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II · Call of Duty: Black Ops · IPhone Games · Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood · Splatterhouse · Epic Mickey · Holiday 2010
2011 - 2014
2011
Q1 Top 5 of 2010 · World of Warcraft: Cataclysm · Fable III · Minecraft · A Shadow's Tale · Dead Space 2 · DC Universe Online · MindJack · Two Worlds II · Bulletstorm · Killzone 3 · Kirby's Epic Yarn · Dragon Age II
Q2 Pokémon White · Yakuza 4 · Crysis 2 · Nintendo 3DS · Portal 2 · Castlevania: Symphony of the Night · Mortal Kombat · Brink · L.A. Noire · The Witcher 2 · Hunted: The Demon's Forge · Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time) · InFamous 2
Q3 Alice: Madness Returns · Shadows of the Damned · F.E.A.R. 3 · The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D · Call of Juarez: The Cartel · Bastion and From Dust · Catherine · Red Faction: Armageddon · Deus Ex · Deus Ex: Human Revolution · Driver: San Francisco · Dead Island · Resistance 3
Q4 Gears of War 3 · Hard Reset · Rage · Kinect · Batman: Arkham City · Battlefield 3 · Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception · Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 · The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim · Saints Row: The Third · Assassin's Creed: Revelations · The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
2012
Q1 Serious Sam 3: BFE · Top 5 of 2011 · Super Mario 3D Land & Rayman Origins · Sonic Generations · Star Wars: The Old Republic · Amy · Resident Evil: Revelations · Darkness 2 · Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning · NeverDead · Syndicate · Mass Effect 3 · Twisted Metal
Q2 Yakuza: Dead Souls · Ninja Gaiden 3 · Silent Hill: Downpour · Kid Icarus: Uprising · Fez and I Am Alive · Prototype 2 · Risen 2: Dark Waters · Sniper Elite V2 · Diablo 3 · Max Payne 3 · Dragon's Dogma · E3 2012 · Lollipop Chainsaw
Q3 Quantum Conundrum · Spec Ops: The Line · Walking Dead · Inversion · The Amazing Spider-Man · Half-Life · Wreckateer and Deadlight · Steam Roundup · Sleeping Dogs · Darksiders 2 · DayZ · Guild Wars 2
Q4 Borderlands 2 · FIFA 13 · Resident Evil 6 · Dishonored · XCOM: Enemy Unknown · Medal of Honor: Warfighter & Doom 3: BFG Edition · Assassin's Creed 3 · Halo 4 · Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 · Hitman: Absolution · Far Cry 3 · ZombiU
2013
Q1 Top 5 of 2012 · Paper Mario: Sticker Star · Black Knight Sword & Hotline Miami · Anarchy Reigns · DMC: Devil May Cry · The Cave · Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch · Dead Space 3 · Aliens: Colonial Marines · Crysis 3 · Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance · Tomb Raider · SimCity
Q2 The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct · BioShock Infinite · Lego City Undercover · Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon · Injustice: Gods Among Us · Star Trek · Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon · System Shock 2 · Metro: Last Light · Next Gen Buyer's Guide · Fuse · Remember Me · E3 2013
Q3 The Last of Us · Deadpool · Animal Crossing: New Leaf · Ride to Hell: Retribution · Dark · Mario & Luigi: Dream Team · Rise of the Triad · Papers, Please & Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons · Pikmin 3 · The Bureau: XCOM Declassified · Saints Row 4 · Killer is Dead · Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
Q4 Grand Theft Auto V · Lost Planet 3 · Beyond: Two Souls · The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD · Batman: Arkham Origins · Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag · Call of Duty: Ghosts · Exclusives Showdown · Ryse: Son of Rome · Dead Rising 3 · Super Mario 3D World
2014
Q1 Top 5 of 2013 · Knack · Killzone: Shadow Fall · Survival Special · Broken Age · Might & Magic X: Legacy · The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds · Dark Souls · Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII · Strider · Thief · Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2 · Dark Souls II
Q2 Titanfall · InFamous: Second Son · Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes · The Elder Scrolls Online · South Park: The Stick of Truth · FTL: Faster Than Light · Child of Day-Light · The Amazing Spider-Man 2 · Tesla Effect: A Tex Murphy Adventure · Wolfenstein: The New Order · WATCH DOGS · E3 2014 · Murdered: Soul Suspect
Q3 Tomodachi Life · Enemy Front & Valiant Hearts: The Great War · Shovel Knight · EarthBound · Transistor · E.T. · Firefall · Sacred 3 · Risen 3: Titan Lords · Daikatana · Lichdom: Battlemage · The Sims 4 · Destiny
Q4 D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die · Hyrule Warriors · Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor · Alien Isolation · The Evil Within · Bayonetta 2 · Sunset Overdrive · Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare · Assassin's Creed: Unity · Far Cry 4 · Dragon Age: Inquisition · Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric · Top 5 Games of 2014
2015 - 2017
2015
Q1 The Talos Principle · Elite: Dangerous · Five Nights at Freddy's and This War of Mine · Lords of the Fallen · Saints Row: Gat out of Hell · Dying Light · Grim Fandango · Evolve · The Order: 1886 · The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D · Resident Evil Revelations 2 · Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number & Ori and the Blind Forest
Q2 Battlefield: Hardline · Bloodborne · Half-Life 2 Update · Axiom Verge & Stealth Inc 2 · Mortal Kombat X · Grand Theft Auto Online · Broken Age: Act 2 · Wolfenstein: The Old Blood · Cyberpunk Double · The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt · Splatoon · Hatred · E3 2015
Q3 Alone in the Dark: Illumination · Batman: Arkham Knight · Yoshi's Woolly World · Cave Story · Godzilla · Rocket League & Tembo the Badass Elephant · King's Quest: A Knight to Remember · Nom Nom Galaxy & Freedom Planet · Everybody's Gone To The Rapture · Volume · Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain · Mad Max · Gears of War Ultimate Edition · Until Dawn
Q4 Super Mario Maker · SOMA · Rock Band 4 · Assassin's Creed Syndicate · Halo 5: Guardians · Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 · Rise of the Tomb Raider · Fallout 4 · Star Wars: Battlefront · Just Cause 3 · Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water
2016
Q1 Top 5 Games of 2015 · Devil's Third · Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam · Assassin's Creed Chronicles · Xenoblade Chronicles X · The Witness & Bombshell · Gravity Rush · XCOM 2 · Firewatch & Layers of Fear · Far Cry Primal · Stardew Valley & SUPERHOT · The Division · Salt and Sanctuary
Q2 Republique · Shadow Warrior · Quantum Break · Dark Souls III · Ratchet & Clank · Star Fox Zero · Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door · Uncharted 4: A Thief's End · Doom · Homefront: The Revolution · Overwatch & Battleborn · Mirror's Edge: Catalyst · E3 2016
Q3 Mighty No. 9 · Inside & Shadow of the Beast · The Technomancer · Furi & Song of the Deep · I Am Setsuna · Headlander & Quadrilateral Cowboy · Quake · No Man's Sky · Grow Up · Deus Ex: Mankind Divided · Metroid Prime: Federation Force · The Curious Expedition & Mother Russia Bleeds · ReCore
Q4 Capcom Five · Clustertruck & Lichtspeer · Paper Mario: Color Splash · Mafia III · Gears of War 4 · PlayStation VR · Battlefield 1 · Titanfall 2 vs Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare · Dishonored 2 · WATCH DOGS 2 · Final Fantasy XV · The Last Guardian
2017
Q1 Top 5 Games of 2016 · Let It Die · Dead Rising 4 · Hitman · Gravity Rush 2 · Resident Evil 7 · Yakuza 0 · Nioh · For Honor · Nintendo Switch & Breath of the Wild · Horizon Zero Dawn · Nier Automata · Ghost Recon Wildlands
Q2 Mass Effect Andromeda · Yooka-Laylee · Persona 5 · Remastered Editions · Outlast 2 · Sniper: Ghost Warrior 3 · Prey · Wilson's Heart · The Surge · Injustice 2 · Vanquish · E3 2017 · Strafe
Q3 Get Even · Hollow Knight / Dead Cells · Fifth Console Generation · The End is Nigh, and Yonder: Cloud Catcher Chronicles · Pyre · Splatoon 2 · Hellblade · Agents of Mayhem · Sonic Mania · Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle · Destiny 2 · Metroid: Samus Returns
Q4 Knack 2 and SteamWorld Dig 2 · Cuphead · Hob and A Hat in Time

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.